As I write
this, I am sitting in my in-law's house while my wife and her family go out to
eat, recovering from some kind of stomach bug that hit me on the Ohio
turnpike between Port Clinton, Walleye capital of Lake Erie ,
and Maumee , a town outside of Toledo .
It's a gray, foggy day, which is pretty much what it's been since we hit town
late Friday night. I realize that the infinite opportunity to do computer-based
work is here before me, and the question simply becomes where to start?
Since hiking is not an option today, there are so many things to do. I could be finishing or editing what I've already written about the lives of Colin Jameson and Bart Doherty in their collision course with terrorists hell bent and determined to transport cursed archaeological relics to the fictional world ofBlackrock Canyon ,
which is fictionally located in southeastern Utah .
I could also be editing or writing the other unfinished books featuring Tony
Lucas, Charles Jones, Benson Villaneuva, Dave and Charlotte Robinson, Suzie
Heilman, Chico Gutiérrez, Harvey Greer, Abraham "Wolf" Owens, and
their adversaries as they come to intersect in a way that mirrors Heroes and
The Walking Dead, while faced with paranormal and supernatural enemies,
utilizing Wild West and military know how mixed with metaphysical abilities.
Since hiking is not an option today, there are so many things to do. I could be finishing or editing what I've already written about the lives of Colin Jameson and Bart Doherty in their collision course with terrorists hell bent and determined to transport cursed archaeological relics to the fictional world of
Additionally,
I could be working on the Parkinson's novel, but I want to be done with Colin
and Bart's story first. On a positive note, my nephew's wife Brittany Fritz has supplied me with the cover to this book (People First Language: The American Book of the Dead so named for the focus on being a person, not an "issue," and because The Egyptian Book of the Dead was about bringing people back to life).
There is also a ton of school stuff that I could be
doing, but even that finds itself pushed to the side, though I did accomplish
reading toward a lesson I will teach. Perhaps, I could write letters to
friends, but even that doesn't cause me to feel motivated since there is only dreaming today. Places like Horseshoe Canyon and Bear Ears National Monument... a trip to Chaco Canyon or Canyon of the Ancients. Maybe even a beach hike in Bora Bora. Should the opportunity arise, I'll be ready. Such is January's frozen world. How much potential is robbed with the threat of snow and ice or more rainstorms mixed with serious
thunder and lightning, such as those that shook the house last night as I was trying to
sleep? Last night, the skylights in the roof filled with bright flashes as what could only be described as the UFO war above commenced while the streaks of lightning
behind them banged noisily as the electrical charges felt like they were right
on top of us.
Yeah, today
isn't quite one of those positive anthem days at all. It's not a sad day, but
the mope of Belle and Sebastian, Interpol, and Modest Mouse are doing more to
make me feel reflective as I shake this stomach bug to be able to do a long
walk in the coming days. Time for something more upbeat... a little Japandroids into Harlem maybe?
The last
few days of walks weren't much, but any walk is a good thing. To be honest, it was nice to trek through the town of Fremont ,
Ohio , with my brother in law
Richard on the way to the forest park at Rutherford B Hayes' estate. There, we anticipated seeing the ghost of Rutherford B. Hayes in the hopes that he could give
us insight on what those 16 extra electoral votes meant to him and America (his
presidency and the end of Reconstruction in the South).
Additionally, we walked
the woods and beach at East Harbor
on Lake Erie with his dog Copper yesterday. Both were
short hikes, about 2-3 miles long. It felt nice to walk and stretch the legs in
the same kind of way that it felt to be out on the Standing Stone Trail with my
friend Neil on that final Saturday before being officially diagnosed.
The ground
we walked on the autumn day was flat and begging to be crossed, as I went off
by myself to record what would become my coming out with Parkinson's video. As
I entered the Throne Room, I saw the Survivor Tree, and I realized that this is
what I am. In reflection now, it's what many of us are. We choose to do and to
be despite the obstacles in our way. Sometimes, life gets the better of us, but
we stretch out proud and as tall as we can to be what we need to be. The other
choice isn't that good, so we pick ourselves up again to be better. It's better to still be ragged and standing than to be chopped to the ground. Really.
On what is
now an annual trip to Butler Knob shelter, we camp out in 30+° weather and
reflect on life. That trip was a discussion on the lack of definite answers to
come. I didn't definitely know the diagnosis, and I didn't know how fast it
would come. In the meantime, I had to keep being me. I also knew I had to keep
pushing to enjoy in the finite time to come since some of the diagnosis was too
cast in stone.
Looking out
from that moment, the world was unknown, but the paths I had traveled were
generally clear, memories in my mind or transferred to paper and digital
format. As a new year begins, I look back on one of those memories at thebeginning of 2014, which you can read at that link, when I rode 8 solid months of life-changing energy to the
beginning of fall term, which signaled the passing of our niece Ava and the
beginning of my foot tremors.
But those
things were as unknown to me then as are the promise of spring break vacation's
joys or the Yellowstone / Utah
/ Colorado trip's memories.
Nevertheless, looking back on them now sees me in a much shorter re-energized
moment of hikes, but a re-energized moment all the same. The MLK
Jr. day hike to come is waiting. Will it be a big mountain like Spruce Knob or
will it be waterfalls? Weather and companionship will determine a lot, but for
now, I'll just keep moving forward to get to where I need to be.
++++
As far as
getting out here, it's always an 8-hour journey of exhaustion. The ride across
almost all of 2 states was a finger-crossing hope that the snow squalls of Harrisburg
wouldn't expand to become a full-fledged blizzard. Fortunately, they didn't,
but the ride across over 200 miles of Pennsylvania Turnpike was definitely a
sporadic series of snowflake episodes that looked something like the Millennium
Falcon going into hyperspace with lots of snow patches heading our way as we
moved slowly through the Alleghenies and on past Pittsburgh to the border,
where the Rock could announce that, finally, he has come back to the Buckeye
State, just in time to witness Clemson's superiority.
If you've
never driven the turnpike between Pennsylvania
and Chicago , there's not much to
see. Once you drive through the fourth tunnel west of Harrisburg,
Pennsylvania's capital (screaming "Daylight!" each time I emerge, like
Stallone, victorious), there are some mountains in Pennsylvania, some rivers,
sections of windmills, a few bridges over and under, and well about 13 hours
total of not much else other than a call for people to vote against Limousine
Liberals, so that they can keep their jobs in the fossil fuel industry.
If you are
from the state and do any hiking, chances are, you'll have to do Routes 80, 81,
and 322 along with the turnpike eventually. The most important thing to
remember is that Pennsylvania is
Philly and its over-spill stretching sort of kind of out to Harrisburg
and Allentown , Pittsburgh ,
and all of the rural, forest, and farm areas. Just like our vote in the
election, there's a lot of red in there, though in the urban and suburban areas
we're really blue. Some people never see the other parts. They know they're
there, but they just don't choose to go to them. To me, that's just not right.
I have to say that if you're going to choose to live life, a very American
action since we speak in active voice as a nation of doers, not done to-ers,
the best thing you can do is to see and experience America .
You've got it in your blood. You can't escape it. Go find out what it means for
yourself. You're not at the mercy of this president or the next one. You're you.
Get out there, and embrace that experience to be the best you that you can be.
++++
Since we
got here, we've done 3 days of family visiting while celebrating the new year
with Mariah Carey, Ryan Seacrest, and Jenny McCarthy, all of whom offered me a
chance to drift into a book I've been reading about Evel Knievel, who was
pretty much the lowest form of life out there, though unfortunately, he is
America, too (I'm sure every country has their Evels). While it's true that his
death-defying stunts did captivate people and make him a name on the 1970s
American pop culture world, it's also true that he spent as much time thieving
anything he could, screwing friends and businesses over, openly sleeping with
any woman he could because why not, inflating his own ego with pathological
lies that only he believed, hating on Jewish people, drinking liquid courage
from morning to night, and starting fights with anyone who dared to challenge
his superiority complex. For this, the book is an interesting and generally
mindless read, but it does allow me to drift into thoughts of what is the
meaning of life, what can be said about this in the Sociology of Deviant
Behavior class I am teaching in spring, and what does it mean to truly live
life, an especially important thought in a world so obsessed with both
arguments of the choose life / pro choice debate. My feelings on CHOOSING TO LIVE LIFE are here in an old essay I wrote on Ithaca and various other incidents / people I know.
It's easy
to say that we don't want anything to stand in the way of us choosing our own Snake
River jumps to pursue in life or the trail. Hiking and life has to
be about risk and reward, but it also has to be about what we get out of the
attempt. Surely, we don't want to closet ourselves off and do nothing because
anything is dangerous. I certainly don't. However, for the average person
chained to a job and life and responsibilities and... and... there are just so
many "ands" that it's hard to find the time to live without the
vicarious pursuit of extreme risk in other people's lives. Thus, Evel offered a
chance to imagine the thrill for our 1970s predecessors in the same way as our
modern sports stars, extreme athletes, and entertainers offer Walter Mitty joy
for the people of 2017.
Whoever
these men and women are who cause us to believe in ourselves more or differently, they stand out as our role models. Some people in that realm still
get to be bonafide heroes, while others water down and stagnate the hero role
as well-groomed brands to sell off in clothing ads and other non-threatening
ways that don't dare cause people to run for their safe spaces; thus, they're more like empty distractions. They are a Twitter presence and little else other
than a big screen draw. For some, we see their numbers on the back of t-shirts, but we
don't really know these people other than that they do things well (though many sports stars past and present (Jackie, Gehrig, Addie Joss, and Clemente, for example) are so much more. However,
for many of these modern "stars," we smell their perfume and cologne on people as if to have
that is to have a little injection of the magic elixir in the hopes that will
allow us to live their lives of fame and money without the drive and values.
Somewhere
in there, we forget that there's no shortcut to drain threes like Stefan Curry (other than to practice like Stefan Curry or to exercise like Mark Twight or to
climb mountains like Ed Visteurs or to be like all those guys and gals who take
fantastic nature photos on all of the cool websites). If we don't push for more, then we aren't more. To push for more in all aspects is to choose to live life.
For all the
will he or won't he make its, reading Evel's life story doesn't make me want to
jump Snake River in a rocket anymore than his story
makes me want to drive a motorcycle. Now, Steve McQueen in The Great Escape
makes me wish I wasn't so clumsy and awkward so I could jump barbed-wire fences
with the Nazis in hot pursuit, but he was cool. How many people that are left
today are really and truly cool?
It's been
said that Kurt Cobain was the last rock star, and that's probably true in a lot
of ways. He was a household name, but he died at his own hand (unless the
conspiracy theories about Courtney Love are true, which I'll dismiss here). He
was a couple of CDs, and he went quickly like Neil Young talked about when he
sang, "It's better to burn out than it is to rust." We never saw the
mediocrity. His late life publicity tours on celebrity roasts and here I am now
(so you don't have to wonder what happened to me) events, like those of Evel
and those who felt too fearful of mortality, never came to be. Instead, he's Nevermind, and it's still 1992 every day
we look at him.
Most of us
will never get to live that life for People or US (thank God), but we can make
our lives shine out for those who we know and will touch in many different ways. We can tell our
story, and we can fill it with memories and moments lived. Sometimes, we'll do
this on the trail, and other times, we'll just sit at our in-law's house
watching The Secret Life of Pets (great movie) with our family as we all laugh along with the
jokes with a great wife on one side and a really neat-o niece on the other
side, laughing and smiling because laughter is a necessity. Other times, we can
just listen when people come to us for advice because its true that we have
something to offer from all of our experiences, despite what we wonder about in the lonely moments. In the moments where life, love, happiness, and meaning shine through, it's always the moments like this where it really comes together and
lets us know that our lives in 2017 have meaning and purpose because of 2016
and before's effects on us.
For all of that, I can honestly say, never stop
living to be a better person, on and off the trail, and remember, you may have a condition tagging along, but you can still choose to be the awesome you despite it.
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